I always hear of stories about the joys of being a first or last born child in the family and I must admit, even though I do share some of the sentiments, I sadly do not relate with any of them. As a middle child myself, I have grown to admire the pros of the position amid the negatives.

‘You are easily forgotten, often overruled, your opinion matters less, you get swallowed up too easily.’ Some would say, about us ‘middle’ ranks in the family. I say, there are joys about being the middle child.

This short piece is dedicated to all the middle children in the family, those that are often ‘forgotten’ when the pressure hits, most ‘left behind’ when the credits are being dished out.

The so-called first or last born privileges are things completely unheard of on my ‘middle’ position sibling perspective. I also would not know the joys of being the only child, maybe this should be an idea for my next piece…

And I think now will be appropriate to dispel the myth before I get too carried away – parents simply cannot and do not treat all of their kids the same. It’s near impossible! They think they do treat us the same, in fact wish they do but I think they really don’t and deep down, they would agree with me. Even if that is not the case, I still stick by this view.

If only our poor parents could see themselves attempting to ‘treat us all the same’ as I digress. Side-note: I have mad love for all first and last borns in every family. This one is also for you two. Life would not be as precious had it not been for their presence.

Now to the joys of being the middle child in the family:

1. You know where you stand. Always.

When you ask something, there is always one definite answer. ‘NO!‘ to the first born, ‘Yes of course!‘ to the little one and ‘Maybe…‘ to you. So it’s positive, you may go out with your friends over the weekend. I mean ‘maybe‘ is more close to a ‘yes’ mos in any case? And it’s fine, the last born is easily made a spoilt brat by all the ‘Yes’s’ they get, who wants to be seen as a spoilt brat?? Let them have their yes’s and no’s. We are quite fine with the ‘maybe’. Thank you.

2. You do not have to always report home too early.

Your poor little sister or brother, shame, needs to worry about getting back home on time. Your older sibling, can get away with getting back home late, but they too will get a tongue lashing because they have to epitomise obedience and responsibility towards you, little ones after them. So, in the middle, there is a lot of free-play where coming back home is concerned.

3. You are always the deciding vote at every tie.

I mean, it doesn’t get any better than this. There is power and influence to this middle position. Own it. You don’t just get it, it’s a privilege. The older one may favour pizza and the other one, say burger perhaps for dinner one evening and I guess the middle one’s vote between the two will determine the course of where dinner will be served from on that night.

4. You know your pressure.

You do not have the urgent pressure to be the successful one in the family like the first born, nor will people be all up in your space about what you plan on doing after you finish school, as the poor last born has to have an answer prepared for that one. The pressure is really between the first and last born. If one is more successful, the other will have a tough task to beat the bar set so you in the middle, relax and take it easy. Don’t allow this position and less pressure point make you be too comfortable though…

5. You are running your own race.

Since you don’t have too much pressure to be independent or too dependent, the weight on your shoulder is lifted off a bit. In a marathon, the first borns are the ones that are on the ‘Batch A’ group, all fighting to be in the top 10 or even win the race. The last borns are always the ‘Batch E’ runners who run for fun and to hopefully finish, even if it’s after the cut-off time, it’s alright. Mom and dad will be super proud of them in any case. Even if they don’t finish, there is always that van that will collect them eventually and take them to the start swiftly. Middle children are those runners in the ‘Batch B, C and D’ groups where, even if there is pressure, it’s bearable. In these batches, there is variety, variability, flexibility and you get to chose your desired allowable pace.

6. You know your rivals.

This is quite obvious and you can use this to your advantage. You can make them easily fight against each other by merely planting a seed about the other to another. As your rivals, you also not how to benchmark and measure yourself: not be too great and not too bland either but just great. In fact, ‘average’ sits just fine with you at least its not ‘poor’ or ‘terrible’

7. You can really have a full experience of both parents.

This I feel is the most important one. Mom can totally adore your older brother for his leadership skills and dad on the other hand can treasure your little sister like a rare diamond. This means that mom may favour the little sister less than the older brother. Dad may favour the elder brother less than the youngest daughter. So there is some form of division going on here and that’s where you as the middle-child come in. You are positioned to have an equal and fair access to mom and dad’s love and affection while the other two have to make do with their skewed experiences from the folks.

8. You are not the one reprimanded the most.

I feel sorry for the first born children, they need to be the strong, brave and near perfect ones. The last born just needs to cry and ask nicely, more like nag, for what they want. In both cases, there is a lot of backlash to be received.

‘You should have known better, you are older!‘

‘Your nagging and weeping is starting to irritate me now. Grow up already!‘,  To the youngest. And you get ‘0‘, nothing of all that.

9. You are not punished as severely or harshly.

Okay this is a tricky one, when trouble comes up, you may be at risk.  The first born has to be an example to all of you and may (should) take the blame for it because it’s no use, the last born rarely get punished.

10. Spotlight is not on you. Allow others to shine.

You do not have to be superman or mommy and daddy’s peagent princess. The eldest brother and youngest sister already have these pre-appointments. You on the other case, just have to worry about being ‘You’. Embrace it and let this truly define you. Allow your older and younger siblings to shine because when you do, you indirectly prepare yourself to rightfully shine when your time to shine finally comes along.