I recently experienced a couple of these items I highlight below, barely two full months into the new year and I thought to myself, that some things should never have been allowed to cross-over with to 2021. In no particular order…

1. Inviting people for an outing on your birthday and expecting them to pay.

At one point or another, we have all been invited to a birthday dinner or lunch at some fancy restaurant and got to foot the bill afterwards. I must say, I’ve also done this at some point and I realize that if I require people to celebrate my birthday and I invite them somewhere, it would be common courtesy to somehow foot the bill for it – unless of course if it was a surprise function organized by others. In 2021, I say let’s be more understanding and considerate of each other and our individual pockets and not expect people to come celebrate us (through invites sent out by us) at fancy establishments and expect them to pay up at the end of the day. Let us be simple and minimalistic when it comes to such in the new year – seeing that social distancing is a monster that we’d need to live with.

2. Being reminded of how deadly a virus Covid-19 is.

2020 will be remembered as the year when things literally stood still due to the novel Corona Virus that toppled all nations. I remember during hard lockdown, not being allowed to visit my family which is situated a different province from mine and not allowed to even get zinger wings. Millions of people have been infected worldwide and millions more have since lost their lives due to this invisible monster to date. Check out this link for updated statistics https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/?utm_campaign=homeAdvegas1. The World Health Organization (WHO) and the South African health ministry continue to reiterate the importance of how people and their actions are essential towards the movement and spread of the virus. We are bombarded with messages of what to do to prevent and curb the spread of Covid-19 – avoid large gatherings, parties and crowds as far as possible and wear a mask properly at all times when in public. South Africa is in the midst of the second wave and things look set to be tougher as the year proceeds with more restrictions and regulations in effect. So in 2021,let us not be the ones that need to be constantly reminded what our new normal entails. It’s not cool to be reminded of the gospel to sanitize, wear a mask properly and to social distance as far as possible. Just do the right thing and protect yourself and loved ones as best as you can. Don’t wait for the virus to hit closer to home before you take it seriously. Also, the much-anticipated vaccines have landed in the country and after the confusion caused by the Astrazeneca vaccine, the country has managed to kickstart its nationwide roll-out of the J&J vaccine. Whether or not you would like to get one, it’s completely up to you. Well, after the essential health care workers and other vulnerable groups among us have had their jabs of course.

3. Asking people when they’re planning to have a child/get married.

Oh man, these age-old questions just get to me! Why do we bother entertaining these ideas? If people don’t have kids, there surely must be a reason to it and it’s not your duty to pry & be a PI for it through such a nasty manner. If people aren’t yet married, why is it any of your business when they will tie the knot? Will you foot the bill for both the wedding and towards maintaining their off-spring? If not, kindly keep this question or any other question to that effect with you and better yet, bury it with the nasty memories of 2020, will you? Also, stay away from people’s real ages and their weight gain or loss.

4. Not checking up on others and giving excuses for why this is the case.

We are all busy and that is granted but I am of the firm belief that one does sacrifice time for those that they prioritize. And this point speaks to that. We are too quick to give excuses when simple things are not done. Why is that the case? People get so busy in the year that they forget to check up on others and on that one day when one eventually checks up on them, you get told the oldest trick in the book – “Actually, I was just thinking about you before you gave me the call. How are you holding up?” Should be a response that remains in 2020. We need to be honest with ourselves and with our intentions especially to those that we value. Be sincere with our approach and make it up where we promise to make amends.

5. Measuring someone’s success based on materialistic items.

Just because someone lives a lavish life on social media – drives around flashy cars, wears around designer clothes and travels the world by storm each year, does not always mean that they have it all. Social media places so much expectations on people to live good and happy lives. And that does not mean that you too need to elevate your lifestyle to theirs in order to feel an element of success or achievement. Success is always relative and we each have our own pathways towards that and should not compare ourselves with others. Whatever happens on social media is not always the truth. You are your own self and not them. Live and do you. Don’t measure your life based on what others have – run your own race.

6. Living off social media and societal expectations.

This point feeds off from the previous one. We spend hours on social media where we easily get lost from the truths embedded in reality. We find ourselves immersed in this false sense of happiness, security and success that it ends up taking over us. We believe in the smiles, lifestyles, lies and luxurious location check-ins that we are constantly bombarded with. I’ve heard of people taking breaks or even cutting off social media completely and would reckon there are benefits to those. It’s called a social media detox. I think we should all attempt this in the year with the hope of experiencing a genuine sense of peace and belonging and stop living our lives based on what’s trending on social media. It can get unnecessarily demanding, pressuring and draining to keep up. Let’s not do this to ourselves.

7. Falling for scams.

If you happen to receive communication (via sms, telephonically, social media or E-mails) that is suspicious and happens to deal with you putting in money or sharing your banking details and information such as passwords and card pins, then chances are high that it’s a scam. You are asked to invest for example R100 today and then in less that 3 months time, it goes up to R5000 – this often happens when you are expected to recruit a couple of people under you who subsequently move you up a certain ladder. Be careful. You work hard for your money, and we all want more of it but let’s learn to live within our means and save what we can honestly and the right way. Do not fall for scammers, be on the lookout at all times. An accountant friend of mine once shared this valuable advice with me, that our money is safer at a bank with zero percent interest. Also, when looking for a job, be careful of scammers who are out to get your money from your desparation. If you’re expected to pay up an upfront payment to secure an interview or to send through a CV, chances are high that you’re staring face-to-face with a scam. Scrutinize a job advert in detail to look for the obvious signs such as personal e-mail account and non-existing buildings as mock up/dodgy offices.

8. Failing to realize that success is an incremental journey.

I had a brief chat with one gentleman from work recently who was sharing his frustration regarding the slow pace at which his career is taking. Mind you, this is a gentleman who has, in his own right, an illustrious career that has seen him rise up from the lower ranks. This is someone who has achieved the unthinkable by being at a level where many who started off like him don’t easily find themselves. This took me back to a conversation I had with a mentee who was sharing with me how she would like more to life than where she is at the present time. I tried my best to comfort her and told her that I too share her sentiments but I remembered how a trying journey we have both had together. From her almost not making it in matric with a pass that nearly shattered her heart and dreams. How she was able to pick herself up and agree into registering for a TVET (Technical and Vocational Education and Training) course (of which I felt would be ideal for the type of work and industry she has aspired to be part) – how she did well there and to now, where she finds herself right towards the end of her degree – something she has always desired to achieve but could not at the time. Here she is now, failing to recognize how awesome, if not spectacular her own success story is to someone else. With her quest for more, she already has more and looks set for even greater things in the coming years. So many of us may find ourselves caught up in that spirit of disappointment, bitterness and regrets and fail to appreciate the great story we all have to tell about ourselves and where we currently find ourselves. We simply decide to ignore the obvious (whether by luck, grace or hard work -what matters is that we have achieved something and that we must take full credits for). This, I feel, is important to prepare us for that next level. We undervalue ourselves a lot and fail to pat ourselves on the back for where we are and what we have achieved. We may not all be there yet but then again we are somewhere and that is way better than being nowhere. This is a great head start. Let us stop selling ourselves too short because deep down, we know that we are incredible.

9. Letting your own cup run dry.

We are human beings who live in communities, come from a variety of families with different make-ups and we do not live in isolation. There are so many things to do for the world to make it a better place to live in and more bearable for others, which is honourable to do but please remember to look after number 1 while doing so. Your well-being, peace, comfort and good health come first in this world. Everything you do for others needs to come from a place of self-love and care. Give yourself some time off to breathe, rest and think as you go about making a difference out there. You are an important vessel to others but your vessel needs to be well maintained and looked after. Protect your peace and guard your heart from all things that aim to threaten your good intentions for others. Keep away from vile individuals who only think about themselves and who are out to use and abuse you for your noble acts. Know when it’s enough. Know when you’ve done and given enough of yourself. Know when to cut ties and to pull away after giving off so much of yourself to others. Fill up your cup. Don’t let your own cup to run dry.

10. Fearing a fresh new start.

2020 was indeed an unprecedented year for many of us and it did call for a change in how we do life as we knew it to adapt. We were all forced to learn how to do things and think differently from the norm to stay afloat, be it in business, at school or at the workplace. Fearing a new start is something that should not define any of us this year. We’ve survived a year that threatened so many things, yet we are still here. Not that we are out of the woods as yet but we’ve made it this far with all the wisdom and experience to boast about. Let us not be afraid to start all over again. Be it on the business venture you have always wanted to kickstart, that career move you have longed to make, getting that qualification you have desired – there is no barrier that can defeat us. The virtual world is upon us and the online community awaits for us to still engage, create and discover. Don’t allow the ghosts of 2020 scare you from looking at the year ahead from a new and completely different perspective. The famous quote by Tony Robbins speaks of the power there is in taking a risk no matter the outcome – “Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited of what could go right.” How powerful and appropriate!

Do not take all the negatives that happened in 2020 with you as you navigate the equally uncertain 2021. Take this year as your new page to start writing about how amazing a year this will be for you.